The Physics of Friendship: Looking For Friends With Common ‘Energies’
I know the title of this blog post sounds vague and…a little like I’ve had one too many kale juices. But hear me out.
Since having a kid, I feel like my personal time — my me-time without a toddler and dog running circles around me like Tom & Jerry — is a precious commodity. So when I do get a little bit of my own personal time I want to make sure it’s well spent. Having to choose how, where and who I am spending my time with has inadvertently turned into somewhat of an eye-opening experience. With my limited supply of time and energy, I have come to realise that there are two types of friends in my life: those that bring a positive energy and keep me uplifted and those that bring a negative attitude and leave me feeling drained.
I guess I call it “the physics of friendship”.
In my teens and twenties (and honestly until I had my son) I never thought much about how my friends added to my life in terms of energy gained and lost and why would I? I had plenty of time and energy to spare so I was either unknowingly putting in efforts with people who in fact were not reciprocating the same or letting people into my life without really realising that they were taking more from our friendship than they were putting in. In my book as long as someone was basically nice and liked the same things as me, we were friends.
But I see now how naive that perspective is. As I evolve and grow into a more complex adult, playing bigger roles and facing serious challenges, I need and want friends who will choose to understand me, be there for me, check in on me, and uplift me every single day. They are in my life in a meaningful way simply because they choose to be. And I choose to do the very same for them. It’s that simple. But not everyone is worthy of the energy I put into friendship and while it’s a harsh and sad realisation to come to, it’s also an important one.
Friendship is like a force of energy, which has the potential to build a person up as well as bring a person down. And it’s up to each individual what kind of energy he or she chooses to bring to a friendship. At this point in my life where time and energy are limited, it only makes sense to me to seek friends who emanate an energy that reflects my own — the positive, uplifting, “I’ll be there for you when the rain starts to pour” kind.