The ‘M’ Word

I was recently ‘promoted’ to mom status. I thought I’d share my thoughts on my new role and career so far 🙂

Motherhood: I think it took me about 6 weeks to fully understand what motherhood actually means, until that time I just felt like I was doing some kind of project/contest where I had to simply make sure my baby will stay alive to win. Call me morbid — but that’s honestly how I felt seeing this tiny, helpless human completely dependent on me for survival. And it’s not easy. Not on you, not on baby and not on the people around you. I was crazy hormonal (I cried every day for a month), hurting physically, struggling emotionally and very confused mentally. I felt clueless, helpless, and even useless at times. And then suddenly one day, a few weeks living in this new world, something clicks/goes off (I call it the ‘magic mom switch’) and you begin to understand and, more importantly, accept what motherhood is.

Mom: A very small word to describe the world’s biggest job. I’m four months into my new role and I’m stilling learning something new every day about what it takes to be a mom. I won’t sugar coat any of it – it is hard and sometimes very confusing. Especially with a newborn because in those first few weeks he didn’t do much but eat, sleep and poop, so I found it hard to bond with him. It’s definitely not like what the movies show that once baby arrives it’s all about his giggles, cute outfits and showing him off to the world. All that starts to happen once he’s about 2 months old, when he’s stronger and more responsive and waiting for that to happen can seem like forever but it goes by so fast, this I promise. Now at almost four months old, I can sense his moods, tell the difference between his hunger and sleep cries and know when he just needs a hug. But what makes me feel most like a mom is this sense of responsibility and accountability I wake up with every day, this feeling that I have to make sure he knows he is loved, he is healthy, safe and secure, and he is learning and developing. His smiles are, of course, the best reward and a sure sign that he’s happy and I’m doing okay as a mom so far.

Mini human: The thing I was most excited about during pregnancy was meeting the mini human growing inside me. I couldn’t wait to see what he looked like and who he looked like (team mom winning so far!). I really didn’t know what more I could do with a baby. I remember when he was about 2-3 weeks old I asked some friends “So, I think he’s bored. Can I play with him? Show him rattles and stuff?” and the response was this “He’s too small. All you need to focus on right now is feeding him.” Great. Just what I wanted to hear. It was hard because all I wanted to do was hang out with the little dude and hear his coos and laughs. But all he did was eat, sleep and poop. So in those initial weeks where we couldn’t be buds and hang out all day, I took some time to focus on my own recovery (massages, nourishing diet, sleeping as much as I could) and it was the best decision I made. Now that mini human is older and requires a lot of time and attention, we hang out and read together, go for short walks, play with rattles, take selfies, have staring contests with big bro (our pup) Milo, and of course, discuss world politics. And it happened so fast. Again, this I promise.

Mister: Something that isn’t talked about a lot is what your partner goes through during pregnancy and post-birth. It’s really easy to say (and I’m guilty of it) “You have no idea what I’m going through” and to keep him at a distance. But he’s a first time parent too. I had to actively remind myself of this very true fact every time I felt like he didn’t understand what I was feeling. So I let him in the chaos, the hormones, the tears, the confusion, the not knowing how to hold mini human properly — I let him experience all of it with me. He was kind, supportive and listened and it made us closer than ever. We became parents together. We now split some of the duties of taking care of our two minions and it’s the best feeling in the world knowing you have a true partner by your side through everything.
Mutt: It’s no secret that I’m not a mom of one, but of two. Our adorable shih tzu pup Milo joined our family on Christmas day last year. When we found out we were expecting, hubs (after my many, many years of begging for a puppy) finally agreed knowing that settling and training a dog well before the arrival of mini human was paramount. Upon mini human’s arrival, Milo was at first a bit confused and curious but then slowly warmed up to him. I didn’t anticipate how hard the post-birth phase would be on Milo simply because hubs and I were not able to give him the time and attention he needed and was used to. While there was someone else to tend to his needs, he was misbehaving a bit and having accidents despite being fully trained. We soon realised that he really needed us to assure him that we hadn’t forgotten him. We achieved this by focusing on a strict routine that gave Milo exclusive time with both of us. There’s also a misconception that dogs are dirty and not safe for babies. I’d like to say that is not true. Mutt and mini human play on the same mats and chill together lots; but I won’t sugar coat it, we still have to constantly remind Milo to “be gentle with baby” and keep a close watch. We have to teach Milo and baby how to be with each other. But it is heartwarming to witness the love Milo likes to slather mini human in. To see my baby and pup bond is a dream come true. I can’t wait to see how they grow up together and become best buds (and drive me crazy)!

Milk: Breastfeeding. The one thing I thought would come most naturally post-birth is, in fact, the exact opposite. I think breastfeeding is not talked about enough and my experience at Bangkok hospitals was not great in this department. Yes, they did help baby latch well but there seems to be a general lack of awareness or lack of wanting to get deep into breastfeeding and the challenges it comes with. Again, every woman has completely different experiences with this. For some it’s straightforward, for others not at all. So my message here is: it is hard, very hard in the beginning. I had a very hard time with it, I got milk blisters and crazy pain from thrush and was in tears every single time I had to feed. I wanted to give up so many times and came very close to doing so. That being said, I stuck it through (very, very reluctantly) and things did become much, much easier after 4-5 weeks.

Moo: Pumping makes me feel like a cow. For me, it’s possibly the most annoying part of the post-birth experience. Constantly doing “milk math” — thinking about how much milk I’m making and wondering if it’s enough for feeding / storing — is exhausting. But pumping has made it much easier for me to get back into a daily routine, be efficient and back to work (from home). The only advice I have here is: get a pumping bra and a comfy chair to get through the pump sessions.

There is so much more I want to say about having a baby but I’ll wrap it up here for now. I hope fellow moms and moms-to-be find something useful in my ramblings above. I’m also open to answering any questions you might have, please feel free to message or email me.

Read more: The M Word – One Year Update