My First vs Second Pregnancy in Bangkok: The Emotional, Mental and Physical Differences

I wanted to share the differences I experienced between my first and second pregnancies.

Emotionally

During my first pregnancy I remember just being so excited about everything little and big thing. I downloaded a bunch of baby and pregnancy-related apps and read books about being pregnant. Everything about my growing bump felt so new and undiscovered and I was just so curious to learn about what I was going through. I loved talking to my friends who are experienced moms about different aspects of child birth and life after and what to expect from it all. I also loved taking bump photo updates almost weekly to document the growth of my baby and share it with close family and friends.

I felt so differently from an emotional standpoint during my second pregnancy. I didn’t download any baby-related apps, rarely took ‘bumpies’ and felt more relaxed overall. It’s not to say I wasn’t excited about my second baby; I was very happy but it’s a whole different experience when all my attention isn’t focused on being pregnant because most of my time and attention is now focused on my first child. Some days I even forgot I was pregnant because I was so caught up in the daily routines and activities of my son. And then suddenly late at night after he’s asleep and I had a quiet moment to myself I would feel the baby kick and remind me “Hey! I’m here too!”.

When people asked me during my second pregnancy “How are you doing? How does it feel?”, my reply was always the same “Being pregnant is being pregnant” and what I mean by that (if you’re having a normal pregnancy) is that there’s really nothing new about being pregnant the second time. Having been through it all once before meant that I knew what to expect and there wasn’t anything “new” per se to be excited about.

I remember so vividly during my third trimester of the second pregnancy I felt like I was ready to have the baby around 31-32 weeks because I felt so done being pregnant. I’m sure at that point the cocktail of hormones running through my body were making me feel more exhausted and frustrated. It was such a contrast to my first pregnancy because I remember being way more upbeat and energetic around the same time. 

A huge shift in my emotions happened during the final weeks of my second pregnancy; I went from feeling fed up and frustrated in general to being extra emotional (and sometimes weepy!) over small things. I chalked most of it up to the raging hormones and the natural anxiety that comes with giving birth; I found myself “clinging” to my husband, son and dog in routines and situations in which I had control to keep myself from spiralling. This was a huge contrast to my first pregnancy where I was way less emotional in the final weeks because I had not yet experienced the emotional roller coaster that is parenting and having a child to look after. Ignorance truly was bliss the first time around! 

Mentally

During my first pregnancy I remember not being too tense or stressed; I was a pretty happy-go-lucky preggo. We got Milo when I was in my first trimester and I remember just being so busy and besotted with him that I never really felt any pregnancy anxiety. I was also working full-time and that also helped keep my mind occupied most of the time.

But there was a significant shift mentally with my second pregnancy. Surprisingly I was a lot more tense and anxious, especially during the first trimester before I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time, and I think it was due to the fact that as an experienced mom and having been through childbirth before I realised the reality that anything — good or bad — can happen during pregnancy and life after. I don’t mean to sound negative or depressing; it’s just that during my first pregnancy I didn’t know what a mother’s unconditional love felt like and what it makes you feel emotionally and mentally. And now that I do, I know that kind of love comes with anxiety, stress and worry and all those feelings are projected on my unborn baby too. At least for me, I think that’s why I was a lot more anxious during my second pregnancy.

I think during my second pregnancy I was also very focused on how my son would handle the transition to becoming an older sibling and how he will feel having to share his parents’ love with his little sibling. Will he get jealous? Will he regress in some way? So my mind was preoccupied with all kinds of different emotional thoughts about life after pregnancy with a new addition to my family that were not related to the actual pregnancy or birth itself, if you know what I mean. 

I also remember so vividly in the third trimester of my second pregnancy I went into a hyper “nesting / Marie Kondo mode” as compared to my first pregnancy. The first time around I had a list of things needed for baby other mommy friends had shared with me and I just made sure to buy / collect all the things they mentioned. But the second time around I was way more particular about the items I wanted for the baby because I was experienced and knew what I really needed. I also spent weeks cleaning and organising not only the baby’s nursery, but the whole house! I couldn’t help myself — I had laser-like focus and “Marie Kondoed” every room in the house and it felt amazing. I assume this is part of the nesting phase, which most pregnant woman experiences in the third trimester, but also due to the fact that my family is growing so I felt the need to ensure my older son, husband and dog were all organised before a new baby was added to the mix. I think it was more of a mental exercise to release any anxieties I had prior to having the baby too. 

Physically 

I will say it outright: I was way, way more exhausted during my second pregnancy. I started out the pregnancy with more weight and lower fitness levels; I experienced more aches on the soles of my feet and back pain during my second pregnancy. Add to that having a full schedule (during a global pandemic lockdown) with a toddler — I just felt more tired and quicker too. I needed multiple breaks (aka naps) a day to get through a full day. Especially during the first trimester with morning sickness, weird metallic tastes in my mouth and hormones raging, I remember just feeling ill and lethargic and wanting to sleep all the time. And I did. I was not working full-time and worked from home so I took full advantage of having the freedom to rest when I wanted to.

During my first pregnancy, I was fitter compared to now and I don’t think the pregnancy symptoms — nausea and hormonal changes — hit me as intensely. I remember feeling a bit tired in the evenings after a whole day at work but not feeling more ill like I did the second time.

The biggest difference between the first and second pregnancy is the “I still have a kid to think about” part. I honestly wasn’t feeling up to being as active as I normally was because I just felt so much more ill and had lower energy levels during my second pregnancy. But I couldn’t just shut off being a mom and the responsibilities I had so, physically speaking, getting through the first trimester was a struggle. During the second trimester I started feeling a lot better as my first trimester symptoms faded away and my energy levels came back. I also started a daily prenatal workout and it helped a lot to get my fitness levels up.

I also remember being really worried if I could (or even should) carry my toddler who was now pretty big and heavy ? Will carrying him hurt me or affect the pregnancy in any way? I asked my doctor and she said it’s okay to carry my son to help him into his crib or sit on the potty and things like that but to avoid carrying for long periods of time like rocking to sleep etc. And not because it can hurt the baby or anything. But just to be sure I didn’t injure my back in any way carrying him. She advised that I should sit down and teach my son to sit next to me or gently sit in my lap if he wanted a hug or to be “carried”.

Another significant difference I noticed during the second trimester of my second pregnancy is how quickly my bump grew between 20-26 weeks and how quickly my weight increased. I started feeling heavier and slower and found it a bit more difficult to move around or be on my feet for too long. It is pretty common to carry bigger during second pregnancies because the stomach and uterus muscles are already stretched from the first time so I wasn’t too shocked. But I still felt huge and slow. I also noticed I needed a lot more help with my toddler for things like bath time and play time because things like lifting/carrying him and sitting on the floor for long periods was near impossible.

I didn’t experience this rapid growth during my first pregnancy; I feel most of my weight gain happened the first time during the last five-six weeks so I was definitely more agile. 

During my second pregnancy as soon as my third trimester started I just felt like I was ready to pop because I was so big (and couldn’t imagine getting any bigger!). Around 34-35 week  I really started feeling the weight of the baby pushing downwards into my pelvic area — I was going to the bathroom about 5-6 times a night! I also developed pelvic girdle pain (PGP) / symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD), which is essentially an uncomfortable soreness in the groin area (TMI, sorry!) caused by pelvic bones and muscles stretching and moving, getting ready for birth. The pain and soreness happened mainly when I moved so things like turning in bed, putting on pants, getting up from a chair etc were tougher. It was a pretty annoying feeling to live with during the final weeks of pregnancy and there’s not much that can be done except give birth (ha!). A few things that helped me were resting and sitting a lot more and icing wherever I felt most of the discomfort / pain. 

Both pregnancies felt so different and for so many different reasons — no two pregnancies are ever the same!

I hope you find this post helpful. Please share your experiences in the comments below.