Never Apologise For The Things That Make You A Woman

A few years ago I read Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In.

I wasn’t expecting much from it; I assumed it would be like any other autobiography of a famous person. But it wasn’t. A few years on, a few key concepts from the book — more so Sheryl Sandberg’s life and career experiences — still resonate very strongly with me today, in both personal and professional ways.

Never apologize for caring too much
This trait is often seen as a woman’s weakness in the workplace or in a group setting. And as a woman, I can admit that I believed it too: I always made sure to appear stoic and unaffected in the office to ensure that I wouldn’t be seen as weak or any less than my male counterparts. But that’s where I was wrong. Caring too much is a good thing — it’s a woman’s strength. Our ability to empathize and nurture is what makes us good team players and strong leaders. We work hard to figure out how to achieve our goals and objectives, while keeping as many people as happy as possible. We’re wired for it and it’s not a bad thing. Empathy and care helps us as leaders, especially in the long term; we can sense what emotionally motivates and demotivates our colleagues and if we can ensure someone is feeling happy and rewarded by a task or project, they’re more likely to put more effort in and go above and beyond.

Never apologize for having a family to think about
If men could have babies, then this wouldn’t even be a discussion. But they can’t, so it’s all on us women. We have to carry a baby for nine months and then use our bodies to nourish the baby, while also juggling the needs of other family members and other life commitments. An increasing number of women who have families also work (either for a company or for themselves); it is not fair that when a family matter comes up there’s a fear of being ‘punished’ in some way (i.e. not get the promotion/project or be seen as weak). Or that we have to apologize if we need to take some personal time to handle it. Having a family doesn’t mean we have to give up on other dreams and goals and vice versa we shouldn’t have to apologize, if a family matter comes up, while we are pursuing dreams or goals. They are not mutually exclusive and it’s important this is recognized.  

Never apologize for wanting to look good
A slightly controversial topic and not in the book, but it’s one that I personally think needs to be addressed. As a career woman and as a mom, I have been called out and laughed at a few times for showing up places with makeup on or for touching up my makeup and making people wait for me for just a few minutes. I guess the assumption is that makeup is the least of anyone’s priorities when stuff (whether personal or professional) needs to get done. But it’s not the least of mine. I take a lot pride in how I present myself everyday, regardless of where I am, and I won’t apologize for it. And it’s not just makeup, this whole concept extends to lifestyle and fitness too. It’s a personal choice in how we choose to present ourselves and there’s no reason to apologize for any part of it.

The overall message is to embrace the things that make a woman a woman and to see how they can be used as strengths in personal and professional arenas. I found a strong shift in my thinking and self-perception after reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg and can only hope it will do the same for other women (and men!).

Have you read the book? What are your thoughts? Please share in the comments below, I’d love to hear them.