Looking At ‘Bad Habits’ From My Twenties And How I Got Rid Of Them In My Thirties
I recently wrote a post about what A Day In The Life With A Three Year Old Toddler and Two Month Old Baby looks like. And that got me thinking a lot of how much my life has changed in the past decade. Part of that change also includes things about myself that had to change.
In this post I’m sharing a few ‘bad habits’ from my twenties and how I got rid of them in my thirties — better late than never, right?
Staying up way too late — and waking up way too late
I have never been a morning person nor someone who likes going to bed early; I love staying up late until 1 or 2AM and I also love sleeping in really late. And you’ll notice I’m using the present tense and not the past tense because it’s something I still love to do. But now with two kids in the picture, it is physically impossible to sleep in because, well, they’re not capable of making breakfast or getting dressed themselves — and someone’s gotta help them :P. I sound sarcastic but it’s the honest truth to how I got rid of this ‘bad habit’. I’m in bed most days by 10-11PM (yes, that’s early for me!) and I’m woken up at 6AM most days so I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. All jokes aside, I am grateful to my early-riser kids for helping me change this habit because (a) I could never do it myself and (b) I like having productive mornings (and time to nap in the afternoons :P).
Procrastinating and doing things at the last minute
If I had an appointment to meet someone at 12PM, then *in my mind* jumping in the shower at 11.20AM made total sense. If I had to be at work at 9AM with a 45-minute commute, then leaving the house at 8.22AM made sense. If I had an errand to do or something to fix / tidy at home, then leaving it until the last possible minute made sense. I didn’t like allocating time for things I found mundane like commuting to work, getting ready, tidying up etc.; I preferred to spend my time on seemingly fun things like hanging out with friends (I always used to be the last one to leave) or working on a creative personal / professional project. But I fully accept how messed up my concept of time was and see what a bad habit it was because it didn’t impact only me, but also affected the people around me too. Someone called me out publicly for being late a few times and said something that has stuck with me “Being late, even by a few minutes, is disrespecting other people’s time because they made the effort to show up on or before time”. Every time I commit to any social, personal or professional engagement, I think about what was said to me and, suffice to say, it’s a great reminder (and kick in the butt) to always plan better and be on time.
Not putting things back where I found them and being okay with clutter
This kind of builds on the previous ‘bad habit’ because I used to be terrible at tidying up after myself and putting things back where I found them and also being okay with mess and clutter. While I was single and living on my own this ‘bad habit’ didn’t really seem like one until I started sharing a space with my husband. He’s a pretty minimal guy by nature and I’m a clutterer. And I see how frustrating it must have been for him to live with me with me leaving little trails of stuff and not tidying up after because it’s really not that hard to tidy up after oneself. The fundamental problem I had was that I didn’t have a clear system of organisation; it was more of a “wherever I find space, I’ll just put my stuff there” scenario. Now with a full house to manage with four people’s worth of stuff to keep on top of, you can bet I have a system of organisation and know where most things in the house are. The solution to this ‘bad habit’ actually turned out to be a simple one: declutter, organise and create a system, and maintain that system.
Not decluttering on a regular basis
Growing up whenever it was spring cleaning day at my house, my mom would always comment, “I don’t know why you have so many empty containers and bottles — what’s your obsession with keeping them? Why can’t you throw things away?”. And I really didn’t have a good answer. I just never threw stuff out. Why couldn’t I declutter and throw things away? I guess it’s because organising and tidying was classified in my mind as one of those things that I didn’t deem “fun enough” to spend my time on. Having kids is what truly changed my attitude towards decluttering because they (a) have so much stuff and (b) grow out of it so quickly I always need to declutter to make space for new and current stuff. The nesting phase in both my pregnancies really helped me see the beauty and value in having a neat and organised space and now raising kids and managing a full house made me a declutter addict. I like clean spaces, knowing where things are, and really hate seeing clutter. I also have Netflix shows to thank for this newfound appreciation for organisation: Tidying Up With Marie Kondo and Get Organised With The Home Edit are great if you’re looking to be inspired 😉
Impulse buying clothes and accessories
I was the queen of impulse buying (mostly things on sale) in my twenties. If I saw something I liked I bought it without a second thought and then figured out if it was right for me. And, of course, I ended up with so much stuff I didn’t need or didn’t even really like. It was truly a really ‘bad habit’ I had because I was young and didn’t really have a clear idea of my own style and taste. It took some time to come into my own and really understand what I like, what works for and what doesn’t. One thing that has really helped with transforming my impulse shopping into making more mindful purchases is taking the time to read and watch reviews online and not buy things right away — I’ll add it to my cart and mull it over for a few days before clicking ‘Buy’. Another way I find really helpful is to follow style influencers on social media who have similar tastes to mine to see what they’re wearing and how it looks before committing to a piece of clothing or accessory.
Saying ‘yes’ to everything
I think this is a classic ‘bad habit’ of most twenty-something year olds. And I think it’s a hard one to avoid because in my twenties I experienced so many life changes and milestones: graduating university, first job, moving countries, grad school, getting married, seeing my friends get married, meeting new people, travel etc,. Through these changes and milestones there are so many different experiences to have and people to meet, saying ‘yes’ to everything (whether I truly wanted to do something or not) just became an auto-response because I did not want to miss out on anything — and I didn’t really have to because I had the time for it all. But towards the end of my twenties I remember a few distinct moments where I just felt unfocused, tired and overextended; I couldn’t really enjoy any one plan or interaction with a friend because I was always thinking about what’s next. I felt like I was trying to fill up my time instead of being in the moment with friends and family. I realised I had to start saying ‘no’ — and be okay with it — so I could make more time for myself and focus on interests and experiences that truly mattered to me. (Of course, not long after I started my family and, well, there’s a sure shot way to learn how to say ‘no’ to plans haha!)
Having FOMO
Again, this one piggybacks on the previous ‘bad habit’. I had really bad FOMO in my twenties. I think it just came with the age and stage of life I was in: becoming an adult, living an independent life, and figuring out what to do with my life. And part of all that figuring out is having lots of experiences, meeting new people, building connections etc,. If a friend was doing something or going somewhere and I was asked to join, I always tried my best to be there. And if I couldn’t be there, I’d get really upset at ‘missing out on a cool experience’. Or I’d work really hard to make the plans to ensure that I wasn’t missing out on anything because there was already a plan in place. Along the way I learned what is my scene and what isn’t and I slowly became very okay with missing out on things. Today, I’m the complete opposite: I get so excited when plans fall through and I suddenly have free time to myself. Of course, this has come about with my age and the stage of life I’m in: a mom of three who craves sleep and quiet and wine and coffee and chocolate and trashy reality TV.