Convo Over Coffee: “Iso” Life With Two Kids. How I’m Trying To Make It Work (Without Wanting To Pull All Out My Hair)

I wrote about the signs of Covid-induced burnout I was experiencing and some strategies on how I manage it. In this post I wanted to focus more specifically on how I am trying to manage “iso” life with two kids at home.

Here are a few (pretty obvious but good to be reminded of) tips and tricks:

Having a schedule but make it flexible

I have divided things that go on each day into two categories: things that “should happen” and things that “must happen”. So on the “should happen” list are things like naps and online learning. And on the “must happen” list are things like meals, play, baths and bedtime. This way I know how and where to focus my time and attention, rather than trying to do everything, everyday. It’s too exhausting and not worth the stress at all.

Not feeling the pressure to “be a teacher” at home

I promised myself that if my son’s school closed again due to the pandemic, I will not be stressed out by the burden of online learning like I was last year. I am going to do what works for me and my kid and not overthink it: I am a parent, not a teacher. Just because my kid isn’t going to school doesn’t mean that suddenly changes. So far, it’s been going good. He watches a few videos, does a 15-20 minute activity and a 30-minute Zoom class every morning and that’s really all my son can focus on. There are some days he won’t pay attention or not want to do an activity, so I just let it go. It’s really not a big deal.

Dividing and conquering

I split up the day between my older toddler son and my baby girl. They have completely different needs right now. The mornings are dedicated to my son. We do online learning between 9 – 11.30 with an hour of free play in between followed by lunch and TV time. My helper (who I am super grateful for) helps to take care of my daughter in the mornings until her afternoon nap time while I’m occupied. Then we all take a break in the day between 2 – 3.30PM. The kids nap (most days around the same time) and I get some downtime too. And then we do family snack time followed by more outdoor time — I take charge of my daughter and we go for an evening walk while my helper watches my son.

Finding ways to do more family activities

This strategy is more for the weekends when there is no online learning for my son. We’ll do family walks, listen to music, hang out on the play mat, do puzzles, go for a drive, or visit grandparents. This way everyone is occupied and spending some quality time together.

Being outdoors

I cannot stress enough how much being outdoors (safely!) helps. I go for long walks twice a day and it has been a game changer. Being outdoors and getting fresh air really lifts my spirits and energy levels. It breaks up the monotony of the day. And added bonus: it’s an activity where I can take the kids along and pass time easily. My son will walk or ride his scooter and my daughter chills in her stroller.

Getting exercise

I make it a point to do a brisk walk every morning, if possible. The exercise helps me feel refreshed give me the energy boost I need to manage two kids at home. It centres me so I remain calm and don’t lose my cool quickly, which is essential right now!

Listening to music (and podcasts) to stay focused

I have music on all day. But I use it “strategically” (haha) to help set the mood for different purposes activities; I feel like it’s cues my brain to get into different modes and stay focused. I play instrumental jazz (search ‘coffee shop jazz music’ on YouTube) whenever I am working, writing or need to concentrate. I listen to pop / hip hop / K-drama soundtracks (this is a new and amazing discovery, DM me if you want to know more!) for walks and exercise. Bollywood / slow songs at night to wind down in the evenings. Disney hits for breakfast and snack time with the kids. Or they will just listen to whatever I’m listening to.

Podcasts are another “iso” life saver (read more here).

Connecting online with family and friends

Humans are social creatures, so being isolated feels somewhat unnatural to me. Keeping my social interactions alive and having some adult conversation — in whatever way I can — is an important part of my day. It’s not always easy because the days are so full and tiring, but if there is a small window of time, I take a break to text and chat. It’s an obvious tip but I feel like one that is easily forgotten.

Accepting that my me-time only happens at night

I am a creature of habit. I find it hard to change or adapt my schedule. Of course, in these times things are changing every few weeks. Instead of trying to tackle my work or errands during the daytime, I have slowly shifted my mindset and now get things done at night, once the kids are asleep. It’s not ideal as I am usually pretty tired. But I figure having 1-2 hours of quiet time while I’m a bit tired at night vs scrambling and stressing to find pockets of me-time during the day when my house is a zoo is a better trade-off.

Sleeping on time

I am notorious for my inconsistent and bad sleeping habits. I’m a night owl. I do the whole ‘revenge sleep procrastination’ thing where I stay up way past my bedtime just to get more me-time to unwind. And then I pay for it for the next few days like a bad four-day hangover. So I’m trying to be better about sleeping on time. My hack? It’s not great but it works: I take my iPad to bed with me and watch shows on it. I usually fall asleep pretty soon because it’s not comfy to watch shows while lying down with AirPods on. Getting a full (or let’s say good i.e. at least 6 hours) night’s sleep is key to surviving the “iso” days.

Surviving “iso” life with (and even without) kids really comes down to acceptance, well-being and routine. I think acceptance of the fact that this “new normal” is temporary; putting my well-being as a top priority everyday; and structuring a flexible yet predictable daily routine for the whole family is what keeps me going everyday. Yes, one could argue that small doses of hope and optimism are needed but, if I am perfectly candid, that is not always helpful. I find that having some kind of “plan of action” or strategies to make the days in this “new normal” more manageable both mentally and physically is more helpful.