Convo Over Coffee: Being Your Own Cheerleader

I was recently in conversation with my girlfriends and it just so happened each one of us had achieved a personal goal, but we very reluctantly shared the good news in our group chat.

I say reluctantly because I was quite surprised at our common hesitant, permission-seeking approach to sharing news that focused on us as individuals. Raise your hand if the conversation below feels all too familiar:

Me: Sorry to talk about myself but can I share something?

Friend 1: Of course! Why do you need to ask?

Friend 2: Tell us! I’m so excited!

Me: So I finally achieved [insert amazing news] and this is what happened [insert more amazing results]

Friend 1: OMG THAT IS AMAZING! So happy for you. You deserve it. You’ve worked so hard.

Friend 2: YASSSS GIRL! So proud of you

Me: Thank you! Sorry, I just really wanted to share the news with you guys. Okay, enough about me. So back to…

Friend 2: Stop apologizing! Of course, you have to share with us. I would have been pissed if you didn’t.

As someone who really believes in the importance of being unapologetic for celebrating our own successes, I had a shocking reality check in the group chat that I am sometimes guilty of seeking permission to give myself a pat on the back for doing a good job and sharing that news with others.

What is it about talking about my own success that makes me so uncomfortable?

Personally, I think it’s because I was taught that it’s “rude” to talk about myself. If I achieved something noteworthy, then the true test of my achievement is if someone else notices and comments on it. It’s a strange conundrum I lived with because I noticed moments in my life when if I didn’t self-promote, then I risked missed opportunities and chances to grow. And in other moments in which I achieved something significant but simply because nobody else noticed or commented, it didn’t feel significant enough to talk about.

Of course, there is a very fine line between conceit and sincerity and the way I express myself in a moment that is about me matters, to some extent. But asking for permission or apologizing should not matter. Without diving too deep into the Pandora’s box of gender tropes and the way I, as a woman, perceive myself and am wired to think about “we” instead of “me”, think it’s important to remember that most men when presented with a similar situation won’t hesitate to self-promote and call out their achievements. And we shouldn’t either.

I am surrounded by so many women, friends, colleagues, and family members who are doing incredible things with their time and talent. They work so hard and with so much heart every day to make their dreams come true. It really doesn’t matter what the size or nature of the dream is — weight loss, work promotion, landing a brand collaboration, getting a baby to sleep through the night, going to bed at a decent hour, drinking enough water, or saying no to wine — because every dream is important, deserves to be respected, and the act of making it a reality is reason enough to celebrate. And sharing that celebration with others openly and freely is not something to ever feel shy or apologetic about.

I have become a lot more open about and okay with sharing my successes — without waiting for someone to notice or comment — for several reasons. First, the people in my life may not know about or realize how important a goal I’m working towards is to me at a given moment in time, so being my own cheerleader is required. Second, celebrating wins is my way of taking ownership of and demanding respect for my dreams. Third, sharing personal news helps to build new connections and deepen existing bonds — there could be someone out there who is going through a similar situation and sharing my story may help in some way.

Going back to my “hypothetical” group chat example, I say it’s a good idea to listen to Friend 1 when she says “Why do you need to ask?” and heed Friend 2 when she says “Stop apologizing”. Having your own cheer squad is nice but being your own cheerleader is vital.