Women Are Still Fighting Sexist Attitudes In The Workplace About Family Planning, Babies and Childcare
In a recent conversation with my girlfriends from around the world we discovered that as women we’re still battling archaic male chauvinism and sexism in personal and professional aspects of our lives. We are still somehow apologising and being penalised for the very things that make us women; it’s a pretty ugly truth to accept given that it’s 2019 and so much more progress in attitude and action should have been made by now.
It’s been almost a year since I decided to take a break from a full-time career and focus on family by working from home. A big part of the decision was personally and emotionally-driven and that I fully accept. But what I don’t discuss openly — due to the fear of looking like a weak and whiny woman(!) — are the not-so-pretty facts that led me to this decision. As women we are expected to procreate but once we do we’re also kind of expected to go back to normal life as though we never had a child and not make it anyone else’s problem. Well, sorry to shatter rose-tinted glasses everywhere: it is everyone’s “problem” as much as it is mine. Babies don’t just magically take care of themselves.
Even before my baby was born assumptions — and to no surprise mostly by men — were made about me because I’m “an Indian woman” and the “expectations of me after I have a child will probably lead me to quit my job anyways”. And when I did negotiate my small demands to feel comfortable returning to work I was met with empty, hurtful statements like “you don’t know how much hassle and running around I had to do for you just to get you this (insert bare minimum benefits)”. For me? For only me? Because I’m the only female employee in the history of the world who decided to have a baby and go back to work?
One assumption is all it took to dismiss all my years of dedication and hard work, my courage to come back to work when my baby was a mere 3 months old and my overall heart-wrenching decision to choose to be away from him. I know I sound like every mom out there but the point I’m trying to put across is what if that one assumption was turned into an action of support. Instead of treating my demands — flexibility, work from home options, a clean place to pump milk that is not a store room — of a new mom returning to work as a nuisance, what if they were met with some empathy and equality? I understand not all industries are suited for flexibility or work from home options, but knowing the simple facts that in most countries across the world between 35-50% of the workforce is female and contributing to global economies according to World Bank data and that men can’t have babies, why is there not more of a push to ensure there are the proper facilities, measures and attitudes to let women proudly return to work and be mothers at the same time. The two are not mutually exclusive!
I get it. Surprise, surprise I’m a mom so now I’m suddenly all impassioned about new moms being treated right everywhere, not just the workplace. But I’m also holding a beacon to my female friends who aren’t moms yet and face the same kind of caveman-ish attitude when the topic arises. Firstly, why do men get so uncomfortable if women discuss babies? And secondly, why does the topic of a women becoming a mom somehow turn into a weird corporate fear that she won’t be able to perform and now a contingency plan to cover her absence must be thought up and it’s all a huge pain? I’ve heard from one too many female friends and acquaintances that they simply don’t talk about babies or planning a family at work because they don’t want to “shake the boat”. What if they’re overlooked for a promotion or to lead a major project? Or salary raise might be reconsidered incase a female employee takes maternity leave? Just as the company we are employed at wants to make sure we will return to work after maternity leave, we also want to be sure that our workplaces do not penalise us in any way for choosing to have kids and taking the time off to do so. Believe me, if we could outsource pregnancy and breastfeeding, we would.
The conversations around family planning and childcare have to come into the workplace because we, the women with the uteruses where babies grow, are also now in the same space working just as hard and just as long. It should be mandatory for all male colleagues, team leaders and bosses (honestly all men) to do induction training in Pregnancy, Birth, Breastfeeding and Childcare so that they are better equipped to not only “handle” this topic but actively support women in this arena. If we can figure out how to join the boys club and excel in it, why can’t men just take a seat at the girls table without getting awkward and sexist?
Great article, and thanks for sharing your personal experience. With our without kids, I think women around a certain age are still being pushed into the “get married and have kids corner”, whether they have these plans or not. The problem I see is that while women constantly have to justify how we can juggle both, men are hardly asked about how they want to balance work and family. Even in 2019, corporate mindsets seem to have what you call a cavemanish approach, I do hope that it will change!
Thank you for reading and commenting! I totally agree with your point that women have to constantly justify how we choose to run our lives but men seem to be held to different — if any all — standards. Let’s hope we’re not having the same conversation in 2029.
Ankita totally agree with your thoughts. We in Thailand are quite outdated with regard to women, their bodies, pregnancy, maternity leave etc. Men are just as much responsible for their their offsprings emotional and physical well being and I think it should be mandatory for both men and women to be able to take off (paternity and maternity leave) to raise their children. . Sad to note that u encountered the “it is a man’s world” attitude In this day and age. The truth is the female is the stronger sex and it take a lot of courage for men at workplace to accept and acknowledge that. Every workplace should be geared to the needs of the nursing mother. I have seen young girls pumping milk in small toilets for lack of adequate facility at their workplace. Despite all this we still have women in all spheres and it is definitely worth Commending their courage and strength. Enjoyed reading your blog.
Thank you so much for reading the post and your thoughtful comments. It is shocking to see how much more progress needs to be made in attitude and action for gender equality on ALL fronts. Perhaps if we talked more openly about these topics some change may happen before 2029!
Well said Ankita. It has been a man’s world since time immemorial and am saddened that nothing much has changed. There is always hope and like u said I hope we dont have a similar conversation in 2029!!